The other day, I re-watched Carol Dweck’s TED talk on the growth mindset. I’m assuming that most of you have seen it by now. Here’s the link again: https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve.
Carole talks about the power of believing that you can improve. I agree with everything that she said … and like to add another layer. Growth is good – up to a point. Nothing in nature grows endlessly. There are cycles and phases.
I am wondering whether our focus on having a growth mindset is healthy or puts people under stress – learning and improvement stress. For some people the notion of “not being there YET” (as Carol puts it), might cause the feeling of reaching for some state that is more perfect than the one they are in right now.
Adding another layer to the growth mindset is helpful. The main quality of this layer is “curious acceptance”. At any given time, there will be negative thoughts in your mind or negative events happening around you. It is important to approach these challenges with a growth mindset and explore what you can learn to make the situation better for you. At the same time there is a lot of value in accepting what is and exploring the positive side of the perceived negatives. Leaders who are able to hold this perspective of “simultaneously positive AND negative“ in their mind, are able to find new, richer meaning and create impact beyond performance. I call this an “Integrated Mindset”.
A while ago, I came across this wisdom of a Native American – the story of the two wolves. This story below* is a less well-known, extended version of the shorter one that many of you might have heard of before. It explains the integrated mindset in a perfect way. Have a read…or jump straight to the end for some action.
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An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf will win?"
You might have heard the story ends like this: The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
In the Cherokee world, however, the story ends this way:
The old Cherokee simply replied, "If you feed them right, they both win.
You see, if I only choose to feed the white wolf, the black one will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and always fighting the white wolf. But if I acknowledge him, he is happy, and the white wolf is happy and we all win.
For the black wolf has many qualities - tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-willed and great strategic thinking - that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks.
But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength and the ability to recognize what is in the best interest of all.
You see, son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side. To feed only one would starve the other and they will become uncontrollable. To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life.
Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention. And when there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance.
Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing. How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life. Starve one or the other or guide them both."
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What you can do….
Here’s a bit of a mind-boggling reflective activity for you.
Think of a current challenge that you are facing – the reflection becomes easier if you choose a situation that you judge as seriously negative.
1. Write down what’s negative about the situation.
2. Explore what might be the positive side of these negative points for you.
3. Within every challenge, there is something positive – what is it in this case?
4. What might be negative points about this positive side?
How well could you reconcile apparent contradictions? And which new insights did you come up with?