Have you ever caught yourself thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, this person is really difficult’? ‘Why can’t they just accept my point here?’ Labelling other people as ‘being difficult’ says more about your mindset and worldview than it does about the other person. The label is a way of blaming them for making your life difficult. You are giving your power away and not taking 100 per cent responsibility for your life and actions.
Ultimately, your frustration with ‘difficult’ people limits your potential for influence.
If you invest more time in understanding someone’s worldview and mindset, it becomes much easier to frame your message in a way that is relevant and meaningful for them, thus, removing the potential for friction and misunderstanding. You will find that you speak more of the same language.
Decisions and actions are driven by FEELINGS, not just rational FACTS.
Thus, understanding how someone ticks is invaluable for collaborating. You’ll better understand why someone is acting in the way they are. This also helps to manage your expectations and prevent frustration. Frustrations with another person or a situation happen when reality does not meet your expectations, and there is a gap which you cannot see a way to close. You might fail to accept the current reality and start to suffer — unnecessarily.
For people to share their thoughts and emotions with you, they need trust and a safe environment. Psychological safety and a safe physical space where the conversations can happen are vital. Every person wants to feel safe, be heard and be respected. Leaders who create the conditions for this have greater influence and impact.
The more that sharing happens, the more trust and connection can be built.
5 steps to increase your influence
During my recent hiking trek in Tasmania (doing the Overland Trek in winter), I listened to a podcast, called “100 Climate Conversations”. Presented by the Powerhouse museum in Sydney, 100 Climate Conversations profiles innovators leading Australia’s response to climate change. In episode 18, author and social researcher Rebecca Huntley talks about “The art of constructive conversations”.
Based on her book “How to Talk About Climate Change in a Way That Makes a Difference”, Huntley mentions the following 5 steps for conversations that have the potential to create change:
Listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Where do they get their information from?
Tell you own personal story (climate change or sustainability). Why is it important and or urgent for you?
Share what you learned about what can be done. Spread optimism about a liveable world for all of us. Be realistic about how to deal with damage already done. Be visionary and hopeful. Hope inspires action. Fear doesn’t. Share selected resources that are relevant for the person you speak with.
Explore common ground. Have a deeper conversation – if possible.
Manage your energy. I believe this is a really important aspect that many people often forget. Be aware on who and when you invest your energy. Be intentional in all interactions. Is this conversation happening in your circle of control or circle of concern? Sometimes, establishing a healthy boundary is more important than having an unplanned conversation.
Overall, a great podcast to listen to. Highly recommend it.
You can also find more details on how to plan for these influencing conversations in my book “Naturally Successful”.
Wishing you lots of success,
Ingrid